I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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