If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
