OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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