We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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