i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
