I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
