Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
