So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
