24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
