ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
