i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I checked into jail on foursquare
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
