im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
