I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
