piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If that was your dad, he is hot
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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