I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
