If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
