Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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