She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
