I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
