So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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