So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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