i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
