Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
