Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
