Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
