Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
