Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
