so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
