fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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