i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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