You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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