Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
