We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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