Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
His nipple licking is glorious
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