I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Randomize
