Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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