i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
