cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
