She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
