yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
