i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
