It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
