I'm really into asian looking animals
Sponge bath it is.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
