so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
