Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
