The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
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he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
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I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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