Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
