great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
