The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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