Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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