Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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