i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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