so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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