we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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