all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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