he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
