Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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