I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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