Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
