I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
