i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Of course I have a pirate flag
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
