I showed him my bush... on skype.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
