i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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