I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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