The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
