I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
