I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
