oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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