wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
