Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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