Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
