I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
