Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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