His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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