On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
