she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
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