You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
