Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
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I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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