I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
either way he was missing a nipple.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
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She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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