I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
