This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
