There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
