I wish I could punch you in the face.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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