I just saw a hot homeless man
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
