I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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