I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize