Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
