btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
